Ted Nugent must have eaten one too many fricasseed squirrel brains, because it sounds like he’s come down with some kind of mad cow disease. Which is to say, he’s even more batshit insane than he’s been in the past. Nugent took to World Net Daily to give us the true story of Ferguson, Missouri, where he shares with us why the heroic police officer involved had every reason to profile his victim: “Based on crime stats in Ferguson and elsewhere, it would be a safe bet to assume the two thugs the police are looking for are black males between the age of 15 and 25.” Nugent goes on to place blame where blame is clearly due: “The road to peace and prosperity in America is to reject the big liberal lie and all those who endorse it. Liberalism is a lie. Liberalism is a scam. Liberalism is a killer.” Well, that clears that up. And here I thought it was Darren Wilson and his service weapon that killed Michael Brown. Who knew? Turns out it was Obama all along!
Meanwhile in a case of reality TV becoming a little too real, Teresa and Joe Giudice of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” were sentenced to 41 months in the federal pen, $441,558 in restitution, and 15 months in federal prison and $441,558 in restitution respectively. As it turns out, it’s not all about screaming obscenities at your botoxed and plastic surgerized girlfriends and displaying a complete lack of taste and restraint in your home decorating. Apparently the federal government also insists that you report your income on a yearly basis. How long has this been going on?
While we’re on reality TV, here’s a little example of nearly instant karma coming back to literally bite you on the ass: Dick Donato, winner of “Big Brother” season 8 in 2007, who was such an incredible dick that his nickname became “Evel Dick” (he somehow won the game by making every other houseguest so uniformly miserable that they basically begged to be evicted), announced on current reality show “Couples Therapy” that he’s HIV positive. He’s not sure how he contracted the disease, but perhaps those hideous tattoos covering every visible inch of his skin might have had something to do with it. Just sayin’.
File under “Stop your whining. No one cares.”: Anne Hathaway, in an interview with British “Elle”, confides: “This fame thing? Fucked me up for a really long time.” Boo fucking hoo. Pull up your Dolce and Gabana big girl pants and dry your tears with some hundred dollar bills. (Note: I’m completely ready for fame. It can’t possibly fuck me up any more than I already am. Bring it on.)
On a happier note, the only thing that’s a bigger deal in the world of the rich and famous this week than Princess Kate being preggers with another royal fetus was the wedding of George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin in Venice, attended by everyone who was anyone, in a complete overdose of dazzling smiles, perfect complexions,and designer gowns worth more than my house. Somehow my invitation was lost in the mail. Not to be a cynic or anything, but I place the over/under at three years. Hope there’s a solid pre-nup.
Hey, now that Tiger Woods seems to have put golf on the back burner, he’s firing up the front burner for a new restaurant in Palm Beach, Florida. No name has been announced, but I’d go with “The Magic Putter”. Reservations accepted by text only.
Finally, in the category of “build your own joke”, comes this headline from Monday’s Huffington Post: Jennifer Lopez Rear-Ended By Drunk Driver. Stop me, just stop me.
BW
Kibbitz Corner 