Look, one of things I’ve discovered about this column is that people actually seem to read it, and some of them don’t take kindly to some of my attempts at humor. The whole “dick-head” bicycle helmet incident comes to mind. And one of the things I learned writing my previous blog, “Left, Right, and Centered”, is that among my readership was a certain predatory species, homo attorneyus disgustens. That unfortunate revelation resulted in a rather expensive life lesson involving the concept of copyright infringement. Having no particular inclination toward becoming more familiar with the finer legal points of slander and libel, I want to preface this piece with a little disclaimer: It’s intended as HUMOR (also, stop me when I’m lyin’.)
It’s bad enough that IU has a reputation for having the most reliably beatable football team in the Big Ten. No matter how far they lower the bar, the Fighting Hoosiers can never seem to put enough W’s up to qualify for even the Roto-Rooter Toilet Bowl, let alone one of the prestigious games like…The Duck Commander Independence Bowl (I am NOT making this up). And Tom Crean’s basketball program is lately most famous for taking some of the best recruits in America and molding them into a team almost magical in its ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Even up the road in Indy, the Colts are renowned for invariably choking in the big game.
So if IU isn’t going gain its fame on the gridiron or the hardwood, you’d kind of hope that they’d make their mark in the classroom. And every year, IU places right up there in the US News College Rankings. The Kelly School of Business and Jacobs School of Music are routinely in the top tier.
But here’s the deal, and this is just personal observation: College students are morons. The sheer number of them who can make it through four years of undergrad and another two to four of post-grad and still not be capable of composing a coherent sentence or knowing the difference between “there”, “their”, and “they’re” is simply staggering.
It must be a particularly proud day for IU. I’m sure that when Michael McRobbie awakened this morning and scanned Huffington Post for the day’s headlines, he felt a surge of delight when he saw the following headline (again, I’m not making this up): Worst “Wheel Of Fortune” Contestant Ever Blows Chance At $1 Million Prize. It was college week on Wheel, and the contestant in question was an IU honors student, who had a puzzle before him with ALL the letters filled in. All he had to do was READ the answer. Go ahead and play the video in the link and watch for the 1:30 mark, where the honors student in question reads aloud: Mythological Hero Achilles. Sadly for him, reading is apparently his Ay-Chill-Us heel.
BW
Kibbitz Corner 